brand new katie

here's what's up. i've felt like i've been going nuts as of late. since may of last year, i have felt anxious and uncertain and not as continuously happy as i have in the past. this anxiety has been its worst in the past month or two. it made me realize so much about myself, and now, i'm working on revamping who i am for my own joy. i know i can't completely change who i am. i wouldn't want to. what i want to do is figure out how to cope with the problems that i face, and be strong despite them. i want to be less anxious and i want to be comfortable with who i am and what i am doing. there are many ways that i am working to try to make this happen. one way in particular is focusing on the physical.
my physical style as of right now is all over the place. rambunctious. tightly wound. obviously anxious.
my hair is short and bleached beyond reason.
all of my clothes are mostly bright colors or black.

these two things, i've noticed, are things are don't really want to be a part of me anymore. to constantly bleach my hair and keep it a very specific cut and shape is to be constantly focused on self. i need to keep up with it and keep to a very specific schedule. if i don't, i look unkempt. i get very anal about not looking "unkempt". at least, lately. my daily ensembles are usually carefully thought out and "matchy-matchy". the colors and patterns are so bold. stark. somewhat obnoxious. i look at myself and i feel too put together. that may sound odd. but i feel like i don't look relaxed and therefore don't look happy. therefore, i am unhappy with my look and it is in need of a change.
i want my hair back. i want it to lay flowy and somewhat natural but still be uniquely me. i want my clothing to be more peaceful with more of a pop of bold happy colors. i want to be more simple. more relaxed, and therefore, more happy.

i focus on my style and my appearance because of my joy(for the most part). it is what makes me me and what makes me happy despite a sad time. now that i know how i can give aid to my anxious heart and mind, i can work on it. i can gain comfort and joy. i can relax. i can relax a bit more because of one of my favorite things: fashion.
it's just something that i wanted to share. joy through fashion can be awesome.
-k