not as i used to.
it was like breathing.
now it's just like jewelry.
just an accessory to my life.
i do love it.
it adds something to my everyday, but it's not something i yearn for.
not something i can't live without.
sometimes i think i'm lucky.
sometimes i think i'm cursed.
to have little feeling towards this gift.
towards something i once loved.
something i once put all my heart and all my hours into.
now i sleep.
now i eat.
now i interact on a deeper level with people i find most dear.
now, life doesn't revolve around something that has the potential me nowhere.
now i'm growing more happy with that.
now, it feels right.
the idea of the curse is slowly passing.
the feeling of bliss is coming over me.
it's becoming another thing i am thankful to have a knack for.
a nice little talent i can pull out of the attic whenever it feels like the right time.
it's becoming that priceless heirloom that you only bring out to show people on special occasion.
an antiquity, almost.
such a delicate and beautiful part of my life that can only be out in the open for a small amount of time or it won't age well. it could rust or break. it will get very old very fast and instead of being something so magnificent, it will be that shotty old toy of your great great grandfather's that has little to no value now. it will be worthless to me.
some things age well and have a value that only grows.
this is not one of those things.
i keep it boxed up.
i keep it protected.
i keep it for the special occasions in life.
