katie logic: weddings, adulthood, friendships, oh my.

I'v been a bit scatterbrained as of late. I have a lot of thoughts, but they're not exactly organized. at least, not really. thank God for bullet points. bullet points are my friend.

OK, so Weddings:

• there's been a bit of a pause on the wedding planning. right now i'm getting more of the big things taken care of(ie: venues, officiant, colors, etc) because there's only so much i can do so early on, and for the most part, i did a lot of that a couple months ago. 
• we are in the middle of prom season, so glitzy long dresses are in stores and on sale!!! Soooo, bridesmaids dresses are slowly being acquired and its glorious, but that means more opinions and more decisions which will lead to even more opinions and decisions. So that's exciting and nerve-wracking. 
• the venues are officially booked(for the most part) which is also super exciting and nerve-wracking. i feel so blessed and can't wait to marry the best man in the world, but it's scary. thankfully i think the happy trumps the scary. LIKE WOAH!
• ITS HAPPENING!!! IT"S SO SURREAL!!! I GET TO MARRY THE BEST GUY EVER!!! 14 MONTHS FROM SUNDAY!!!! WUUTTTTTTT UPPPPP!

with those wedding notes come the true reason for this post. relationships.

      it is so crazy how much relationships change when you get married or plan on getting married. i'm starting to really see that now and i have a feeling i'm going to see more. i've heard things like "you can never have a male friend again because you're getting married" and "friendships don't need to change because you're married" and "you lose a lot of friends once you're married" and those statements and anything like those statements are both somewhat legit and a bunch of hooey.

• theses statements have a bit of validity but it really depends on the situation.

in regards to  "you can never have a male friend again because you're getting married":

• mainly, if you are a woman and you have male friends, and you get married AND if you are a man and you have female friends and you get married, things WILL change a bit. No matter what, if you respect and honor your spouse, if you plan on spending anytime with someone of the opposite sex it will be something discussed and understood and agreed upon by you and your spouse, period. And that's how i feel about that. 

•  i believe that those friendships only really change because you are constantly considering your spouse, but other than that, it shouldn't change too much. 

• i have many close male friends. one of them is in my bridal party, so there's that.

in regards to "friendships don't need to change because you're married" and "you lose a lot of friends when you're married":

•   i've noticed a lot of dynamics change in the last 4 months. certain relationships are becoming less important while others are resurfacing. it's so crazy. 

•  once married or even working towards marriage, your free time for others will lessen, therefore you will have to choose exactly who gets your free time other than your spouse, and that can be difficult and a CHANGE. 

• now that i'm engaged and planning my future and my "adult life" i'm discovering who find me important and who i truly find important. i'm finally understanding why some friends, after marriage trickle off, and some actually become closer. this realization will really become even more clear when the time comes to pick the guest list. stay tuned.

• i don't want to "lose a lot of friends" but i would like to really see who is important to me and balanace my time accordingly.

• my sposue will be getting the majority of my attention and friends who don't get that may actually not understand me or my spouse and may not even really understand love. that'll either be something to work on or something to let go of. in a good healthy relationship, spouse comes first.

in this next year

•  i want to strengthen the relationships i hope to continue far into my married life

•  i want to distance myself a bit from those who only seemed like convenience friends

•  i want to become even more of someone i find worthy of being friends with

end thoughts

• you really notice who your real friends are when you step closer into adulthood(in this case, marriage).

• you're more aware of your time and where it's going.

• so much of your time will be going towards your spouse(out of pure choice) and therefore you must decide who else wil take up some of your time as well even if it's just random phone calls and letters.

these may all be blanket statements and rather generic things that others would read and be like "no shit" but hey, i'm new to this so i'm noticing a lot.

that's all.

k/r

engaged, lonely, and obsessive.

Ok, so here's my life right now:

- I got Engaged over Christmas Eve!!!! WOOOT!

- My fiance' got a new awesome job in Montreal that just started.

- I'm in Bowling Green working, saving, living life as normal, but with a wedding to plan.

(also, one of my roommates is also engaged, and that should factor in)

So, if you couldn't tell, I'm happy, sad and extremely excited to be married to the love of my life. The wedding isn't until June of next year, but I'm also very into party-planning. I ADORE IT. Planning a party of any kind is seriously one of the most fun ways i could spend my day. Party planning, shopping, painting, and changing my hair.  Now considering the circumstances, I should be saving money, so I shouldn't shop. I also want to grow my hair out for the wedding, so no crazy changes. That leaves party planning and painting and I have to really be in the mood to paint. So, party planning to brighten any sad IS THE ANSWER!!! ding ding ding!! As of late, that is all I've been doing with the help of my engaged roommate and my wonderful mother.

On top of my love for a well-planned party, I also have discovered that I have a rather obsessive personality. Lately, Ive been thinking more and more about how far away my fiance' is and how difficult it will be to physically see him for at least 3 months. I still need to get my passport(which I should be getting very soon), but I also need to be able to save up money for a visit to and from while also saving for the wedding.  Did I mention that I'd need time off from work which means less money. It's all difficult. Thinking about all of that, I am even more aware of how I won't see him for a while. Therefore, I am a bit mopey(off and on) but to prevent the mope, I do something that brightens my mood.

As you notice above, these two topics relate :D

I'm using the lovely wedding to distract myself from missing my man. It feels like the perfect distraction because I can not only accomplish a lot, but it also includes him, and his family, and his opinion. You'd think it'd just make me miss him more but it actually does the opposite which is why it's so perfect. So, I'm basically wedding planning as I wait for Josh to return or I wait to join him. Whichever comes first.

As I mentioned, I am rather obsessive at times. Thankfully I'd like to think that I have really honed it and learned to focus this obsessive nature. Once my heart gets set on something, it's the main thing that I think about.  I do think that in general, I'd obsess a bit about my wedding because it's an exciting time for a girl. It almost feels like human nature. We hear so much about newly engaged girls getting so excited and so obsessed. Whelp, I now have the wedding bug. 

Now, when Josh first got his job, the talk of it being a 3 month gig was in the air. That may or may not still be true.  Hopefully it's longer, but no matter what, I probably won't get to see him til after that 3 month mark because I still need a good amount of time to plan a visit. Therefore, with the normal excited bride-to-be syndrome and my excitedly obsessive nature, this wedding could be all planned by that 3 month mark because I'm a nut. I got this. 

Thanks for listening.
-k/r

you say you want a resolution? well, new year, new plan

So last year i had some new years resolutions set for the first time, possibly ever.
Now to follow up on these and finally rejoin the blogging world.
My resolutions:
-read more
-paint & draw
-apply to shows
-eat better and exercise
-lose weight/get fit
-document every day's attire
-don't shop
-get rid of clothes if i can
-keep hair color

Now i don't know if i really succeeded all that well in following through with these, but i do think i accomplished something. At least, I feel like i accomplished something. Lets go through the list.

Read more.
I think i told myself to read a book a month. Haha i( with my fiance) read 1 whole book. On my own, i've read half of 2. I've read multiple books of the bible but even that has been pretty sporadic. Now, you may think i failed. I do too, sort of. The thing is, i failed in accomplishing my written goal BUT i did not fail in reading. Usually i would read no physical book all year unless it was a couple books of the bible. My bible reading is usually even minimal. So, in the long run, i grew. I'm actually excited to continue reading in through this year. Hopefully next year i can say i've read 2 or 3 :)

Paint & draw.
Man did i succeed! I have painted so much this year and have so much more to paint! I have a website and have my work up in a gallery! My next plan is to search for new gallery shows to apply to, make new business cards, update my website even more and hopefully even start selling work! Maybe look into doing an "in house" gallery show!

Exercise and eat better and lose weight.
 Well i've exercised a little, i've been eating a lot better but its not constant, and i've not lost much weight but i have lost like a few inches. I have gotten close to my goal weight but it fluctuates. This next year i will be a lot more stern about my exercise and eating habits because I HAVE A WEDDING TO GET HOT FOR!! So i will have a smaller goal weight, i will eat cleaner, and work out more regularly.

Wardrobe focus.
I have documented many many outfits throughout the year tho i know i didn't do every day. Still, i'm pretty proud! I have shopped but i've also regularly gotten rid of clothes. Now, soon i will look through everything and take out what i haven't worn and attempt to sell it!!

Hair.
4 months into the new year, i changed it completely, BUUUUT since then it has been about the same AND i haven't cut it!!


Soooooo, there's my 2014. 
Now for 2015! 
praying for an awesome year. new list coming soon!

-k/r

birthday week!!

Birthday week!

Its about that time of year again! The time to milk the anniversary of your birth for all you can and celebrate!

I feel like that makes me sound really juvenile and immature, taking advantage of others' giving, but thats not my intention. My intention is to confident and and happy about my life, and i always love to use my birthday to really strengthen that.

I am an only child with a birthday close to a national holiday so all my life ive had a pretty decent-sized birthday celebrations and ive been rather happy with my birthdays each year up until sometime in high school. I cant remember exactly what happened but for 3 years in a row things weren't going right. One year, all of my close friends and relatives that i was so excited to see couldnt make it to town like they usually do. Not a big deal, but for a 13ish year old girl, its heart breaking since you built up your excitement so much just for it to crumble. Believe me, it was tragic (i was unnecessarily emotional). Then another year, a family member died on my birthday so there was just saddness in the air and a lot of mourning. Then i think i friendship ended on or around another one that actually brought my confidence level down a few pegs. So, for a bit of time, birthdays really sucked.

After that, i made a new life choice for the time around my birthday. I claimed "birthday week" which to my mom, is birthday month(she spoils me sometimes). I decided, starting in college, that i would really focus on me for the entire week around my birthday. Not that i would ignore everyone else and be a selfish bitch for a week, but that i would just be a little bit more katie-focused. Id dress up, do my makeup, do my nails, plan outings with friends and maybe go shopping. I decided that with the seemingly frequent bullshit and sad times surrounding my birthday in the past, and my usual inability to take some me-time, i decided to devote my birthday week to bringing myself a bit of extra joy and love :)

Its wonderful and i truly feel that everyone should do this for themselves, on top of what others may also do for them. Really, your birthday is a big deal! Its the day that god decided you should start existing on this earth. You were important enough to be. And that's beautiful!

People may think im cheesy and silly for treating this like another big holiday, but come on, its me. The minute december starts, im decked out in red and green! Im a holiday buff. Really, if there was some type of holiday, religious or not, that deserved celebrating, id be all about it! Celebrating life is the best way to cope with life. Staying happy and confident and joyous is a really hard challenge for some people, but its a challenge we should all try to take on.

I couldn't be more excited for this year's festivities! Im not sure what im doing for me just yet, but the love of others is so wonderful!

-k/r

Dry patch life

Be ready for some cheesy metaphors and corny uplifting quotes :)

Sometimes we hit a dry patch in life. Everything is dead and dying and there's no new growth. And nothing helps to rejuvenate.

like this random dead spot of grass right here, is your life ^

 

but sometimes it may feel like this ^ (minus the gorgeous sky, btw)

Its like the world has stopped just for a bit and nothing can be done to get it going again, at least not on your own. Terms.
God's terms and God's time don't tend to always match up with ours.

"Wait on the Lord and be of good courage and He will strengthen your heart." - Psalm 27:14

"strength will rise as we wait upon the lord"-Everlasting God

I know not everyone believes what I believe. Just know that no matter what, I'm praying and hoping for your joy.

It can be so difficult to cope with. I couldn't even begin to fathom the struggle for some, but it is so real. The worst part is that this dead feeling could disappear and return or just stay for quite a long time. The fact this is the case for some just seems so cruel. Supposedly God only gives us what we can handle, and if that's the case, some people ate damn strong.

I'm lucky and i know it.
My dry patch in life can be quickly healed with a little love and relaxation. But like i said, i'm quite lucky.

 If i could pass my joy along to another and help rejuvenate and heal a dry time, i would do it every day. If i knew how, i would. In a heartbeat. But i know that sometimes, all we can do is pray, hope, and wait. And that sucks. But i will never stop praying for a quick recovery for anyone's dry time. For new growth, new life, and a reason to smile again.  We all need that.

One last thing.
Just a little love from my favorite coming-of-age movie to get me through some rough times.
Good ole' Elizabethtown.

I'm going to go run, eat some chocolate, and try to wait out my dry patch life.
Hope you can too.

Thanks for listening.

Love, k/r

flux

Most people are at a constant state of flux.

flux

fləks/

noun

noun: flux; plural noun: fluxes

1. 1.

   the action or process of flowing or flowing out.

   
   
2. 
   
3. 2.

   continuous change.

   
   

   

   
   

Yes, we are living breathing human people who have organs that constantly so we can live. that doesn't stop until we die. Though that is true, it is not what i am talking about. I am referring to what seems to be everyone's need to change. Now, when i say "everyone" I know that I am generalizing, but I also feel that people need to transition from one thing to the next in some fashion. Everyone is different.

What i mean when i use the term fluxing...

So many people I encounter day feel the need to change something in their lives. They don't seem to change that thing only once, but rather frequently. For some people, it can be like clockwork, but for others it can be quite sporadic. Some examples are as follows:

-changing the color of your hair often
-not sticking to the same job for too long
-traveling or moving a lot
-regularly updating or changing your clothing style
-getting a new tattoo or piercing
-collecting
-being in and out of relationships

These are only some examples, but these are the ones that i tend to see most often.

Now, there is an actual reason why i bring this topic up. I promise.
This isn't just a random thing like "i'm going to state this thing. not state my opinion, but a thing"
This isn't one of those moments.
Anyhoo, the reason for this brain goop------>
This idea of constantly changing and never able to sit still or stick to something because of boredom tends to be considered a bad thing. From my point of view, it is looked down upon. People who "have their life together" tend to put down this fluxing attitude and point it out as a negative thing that must be cured. like a disease or ailment to heal from over time. It is as if it something that should be fixed. And, well, that's dumb.
*cough cough NOT ALWAYS, THOUGH cough cough*

Like...

changing the color of your hair often

"i change my hair every week and a half dude, get used to it"

some people may try to find a deep-set meaning to why someone changes something about their aesthetics so frequently and get all psychological and philosophical, but it's possible that all of those ideas are unnecessary because hair grows and it is easily changed, so why not have fun with it?

------

That is only one example, but hopefully you catch what i'm throwing out there. i just thought that out all examples to use, that's an entertaining one. And I think I'm right, don't you? ;)

One could see both positives and negatives to possibly all fluxxing situations, the key here is that we should be focusing on the maturity and growth of the person. But, you know, some people just suck at being people like they should be people. It's fact.

I guess I just want to point out how beautiful it is to constantly grow and change with the seasons. This part of the human condition [I believe] can be so freeing and relaxing. sometimes we just need to take a sharp turn in a different direction, and that is ok.  I'm not saying it's always ok. There are definitely some habits that adults or people becoming adults should learn to grow out of, but not all of them. Some of them are just good for the soul. that sounds cheesy. I like cheesy. Its GOOD FOR THE SOUL. And it is beautiful.

But remember kids...

Thanks, k/r

forever learning/ alone time

welp, here's a new thing i've learned since graduating college...

learning without teachers to force you to do so is FUCKING HARD when you have a rather lazy and slightly ambitiousless personality. well, at least i think i'm lazy and that i somewhat lack ambition, but others may disagree. i dunno. either way, its difficult. 

i was never much for studying when i was in school. i enjoyed what i learned, for the most part, but the act of learning was what i struggled with pursuing. i hated studying and reading. maybe i never truly figured out the right way to study, but because of my struggles, i slowly came to hate doing it. i still learned things (i didn't just give up) but i think the only reason why i learned anything was because i had teachers feeding me information every day and if  didn't remember that information, i'd fail college.

i didn't want to fail college.

so i passed college.

and college is over. i'm done with college. 2 years now. i haven't been studying or reading much at all for 2 years!!!!!!!!!! it's a problem. i legitimately think im getting dumber.

i've been painting a lot more in the last year and i think i'm becoming a better artists who has a better grasp on what she is doing, BUT that's the only part of my educated life that i think is progressing. 

so there's that.

so yeah, i feel dumber. 

i don't really know what's going on in the world, i dont really keep myself in tune with news or culture and i don't brush up on past things i've learned so i can keep myself pretty well educated as i get older and more and more independent. independence is hard. 

as independence is a difficult task to accomplish if you ALSO want to grow and learn without a teacher present, here's what i'm going to do:

-read. i have 2 books i'm in the middle of working on. one is like a self help book from the 70s and one is an autobigraphy. AND i'm continually going back into the bible to try to refresh my brain understand my faith. so, that's fun. 

-watch. i'm planning on diving into documentaries on netflix again and i'm so stoked. i learn better when i listen and watch, so i'm going to listen and watch :)

-visit. im going to visit different news and other websites just to gain a bit of world knowledge, and then im going to save the pages so that can be a regular thing.

-enjoy! if it's not fun, change your subject of study because it's not like you're being graded on it.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooo.....

what do you think i'm doing tonight? :P

nope.

but i did consider it. 

i'm using the fact that i have the house to myself to my advantage! it's pretty exciting. i don't feel lame at all. i' just excited for my late night of learning and stuff!! :D

that's all. i'm just excited to have a little motivation spark. im upbeat and ready to work! yeah yeah yeah!

-k/r