melancholy toe tapping: AEA meetings?

"i am very thankful for the time God gives me to plan and prepare myself," said the girl impatiently waiting for her wedding in June while trying to find the upside of it only being march.

i say this and even though i really just want to be married already, i am honestly so happy with the time i have to grow. i am trying to focus on my personal growth as much as i can before i embark on a new adventure with an amazing man. with that, i would like to tell you about what i would like to call AEA or anxious, engaged anonymous. 
This is something i just thought of, so bare with me. lol.
here's some general information about the group.

• it's not a group. 
• we don't meet. 
• we mainly just sit and stew about all the things that give us anxiety.
• we happen to all be getting married soon
• by we, i mean i

i am a somewhat anxious person, especially if i have many things to dwell on. it seems that as of late, i dwell on almost everything. on top of that, i'm planning a wedding. i am constantly thinking about how i'm going to spend my life with another human being by my side. everything this one human does will affect me, and vice versa. being married is such a crazy amazing responsibility and before pursuing it, i want to make sure i am a mature adult(or as mature as i can be).

now that i have written that lovely disclaimer, i hope you enjoy the next portion...

nice segway. good job.

8 step program for emotional stability before marriage for katie witherell

1. i admit that i can not control time. that is not my job.
2. i accept that i can use this time to better myself for the future and i plan to focus on the physical, mental, and spiritual aspects of my life.
3. i trust in god's plan, though some days i definitely don't like it because a long engagement on top of an already long distance relationship is very very difficult.
4. i have made a mental list of all the things/people that cause me to feel any anxiety or animosity, and have considered how to end those feelings and find peace.
5. i am slowly finding that peace by asking forgiveness and letting go of unnecessary grudges,
6. i truly believe that i am ready to pursue a better more mature life and am so overjoyed to continue maturing with a wonderful husband in just a few short months.
7. i am constantly asking for strength and serenity.
8. i will never stop trying to cut out the toxicity in my life and prevent any anxiety i can.

so, there you have it. the very spiritually centered steps to a better more prepared and calm katie.

i feel like they are kind of cryptic, but they definitely get the job done. i feel like i am already pursuing all of these steps at one time. but i tend to enjoy multi-tasking. lol

ps: i hope no-one takes offense that used the idea of a 12 step program as my template. i find it quite beneficial to personal and spiritual growth. 

thanks for reading.

<3 k/r

melancholy toe-tapping: the art of pretend patience.

alloh.

just so ya knows, this is probably going to become a series of blog posts. a lot of "melancholy toe-tapping" going on over here. be prepared for a mixture of sadness(as i wait to see my fiance again), happiness (as i think of my future with him), and fake patience...because patience is a virtue i don't really possess right now.

 

now that that's been said, yes, it's time to fake some patience!

here's why:

• i'm getting married in june of 2016

• my fiance' is living in canada

• i STILL don't have my passport and have no clue when i could call off work to visit him.

• his job doesn't give much time for a visit anyway

• it's only june of TWO THOUSAND FIFTEEN

i miss him a lot and get to see him from time to time up until the big day, but i'm just so excited and antsy that i just want my life with him to start already. i know, my life with him is currently going on, but you know what i mean. basically, i need to figure out a way to pass the time without really feeling like i'm "passing time". i'm not going to waist a year of my life waiting to be happier. i'm going to live happy with the life that i have right now, i just need to figure out a way to not be discouraged. 

"Wait for the Lord;
    be strong and take heart
    and wait for the Lord."

-Psalm 27:14

so, patience.

patience is a noun. it is the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset. it is a beautiful virtue. virtues are virtues because they take strength and will to have. they take a great amount of effort that we are not always wiling to unleash. we all have things we are waiting for. we have expectations.  patiently waiting for something can be painfully difficult, but patience is truly a positive virtue i think we must all learn to possess.

to be patient, i think, is to be calm. patience gives us a chance to stop and take a breath and enjoy the littlest things going on in our everyday lives. when we enjoy the little things, we are OVERJOYED by the big things, and the bad things aren't nearly as harmful to our spirits. 

 

patience really makes everything better. BUT, as i said before, patience is hard. if need be, you may need to fake it til you truly feel it can be accomplished. so, until i feel like a patient person, i must fake it. i must figure out how to fake it...

here's how(my attempts):

• i am going to start stretching every day, morning and night, just so i can clear my head and prepare myself for each day
• i am going to keep reading. i don't read much, but when i do, it calms me so much. if i read about patience and personal growth, it'll be even better!
• i MUST keep talking to my wonderful fiance' quite regularly, but still try to keep to the system we have so we aren't suffocating each other due to loneliness
• i want to make sure every day has something enjoyable, if not for me, then for someone else, but maybe both if i'm lucky :P
• anytime i feel a rush of impatient feelings invading my heart i want to stop and think of all that i'm thankful for right here and now
• if i'm REALLY STRUGGLING with patience, i'll just do some more intense wedding planning and accept my impatient nature. lol
 

now, i'm not the only one struggling with patience. the feeling is definitely mutual between my fiance' and me, but he had some wonderful words to perfectly go along with these thoughts on faking patience.

          "first off, it's an endeavor that is larger than ourselves, so it's important to have God's help.

           second, is to control your thoughts and behaviors. don't feel patient? ask yourself, if i were 

           patient, what would i do. then fake it like you were. eventually this becomes habit, and the

           fake becomes real."-josh evans

so, there's that. 

some plans to fake some patience. 

here's hoping i can make it real patience soon enough.

thanks for reading. :)

-k/r

katie logic: weddings, adulthood, friendships, oh my.

I'v been a bit scatterbrained as of late. I have a lot of thoughts, but they're not exactly organized. at least, not really. thank God for bullet points. bullet points are my friend.

OK, so Weddings:

• there's been a bit of a pause on the wedding planning. right now i'm getting more of the big things taken care of(ie: venues, officiant, colors, etc) because there's only so much i can do so early on, and for the most part, i did a lot of that a couple months ago. 
• we are in the middle of prom season, so glitzy long dresses are in stores and on sale!!! Soooo, bridesmaids dresses are slowly being acquired and its glorious, but that means more opinions and more decisions which will lead to even more opinions and decisions. So that's exciting and nerve-wracking. 
• the venues are officially booked(for the most part) which is also super exciting and nerve-wracking. i feel so blessed and can't wait to marry the best man in the world, but it's scary. thankfully i think the happy trumps the scary. LIKE WOAH!
• ITS HAPPENING!!! IT"S SO SURREAL!!! I GET TO MARRY THE BEST GUY EVER!!! 14 MONTHS FROM SUNDAY!!!! WUUTTTTTTT UPPPPP!

with those wedding notes come the true reason for this post. relationships.

      it is so crazy how much relationships change when you get married or plan on getting married. i'm starting to really see that now and i have a feeling i'm going to see more. i've heard things like "you can never have a male friend again because you're getting married" and "friendships don't need to change because you're married" and "you lose a lot of friends once you're married" and those statements and anything like those statements are both somewhat legit and a bunch of hooey.

• theses statements have a bit of validity but it really depends on the situation.

in regards to  "you can never have a male friend again because you're getting married":

• mainly, if you are a woman and you have male friends, and you get married AND if you are a man and you have female friends and you get married, things WILL change a bit. No matter what, if you respect and honor your spouse, if you plan on spending anytime with someone of the opposite sex it will be something discussed and understood and agreed upon by you and your spouse, period. And that's how i feel about that. 

•  i believe that those friendships only really change because you are constantly considering your spouse, but other than that, it shouldn't change too much. 

• i have many close male friends. one of them is in my bridal party, so there's that.

in regards to "friendships don't need to change because you're married" and "you lose a lot of friends when you're married":

•   i've noticed a lot of dynamics change in the last 4 months. certain relationships are becoming less important while others are resurfacing. it's so crazy. 

•  once married or even working towards marriage, your free time for others will lessen, therefore you will have to choose exactly who gets your free time other than your spouse, and that can be difficult and a CHANGE. 

• now that i'm engaged and planning my future and my "adult life" i'm discovering who find me important and who i truly find important. i'm finally understanding why some friends, after marriage trickle off, and some actually become closer. this realization will really become even more clear when the time comes to pick the guest list. stay tuned.

• i don't want to "lose a lot of friends" but i would like to really see who is important to me and balanace my time accordingly.

• my sposue will be getting the majority of my attention and friends who don't get that may actually not understand me or my spouse and may not even really understand love. that'll either be something to work on or something to let go of. in a good healthy relationship, spouse comes first.

in this next year

•  i want to strengthen the relationships i hope to continue far into my married life

•  i want to distance myself a bit from those who only seemed like convenience friends

•  i want to become even more of someone i find worthy of being friends with

end thoughts

• you really notice who your real friends are when you step closer into adulthood(in this case, marriage).

• you're more aware of your time and where it's going.

• so much of your time will be going towards your spouse(out of pure choice) and therefore you must decide who else wil take up some of your time as well even if it's just random phone calls and letters.

these may all be blanket statements and rather generic things that others would read and be like "no shit" but hey, i'm new to this so i'm noticing a lot.

that's all.

k/r

engaged, lonely, and obsessive.

Ok, so here's my life right now:

- I got Engaged over Christmas Eve!!!! WOOOT!

- My fiance' got a new awesome job in Montreal that just started.

- I'm in Bowling Green working, saving, living life as normal, but with a wedding to plan.

(also, one of my roommates is also engaged, and that should factor in)

So, if you couldn't tell, I'm happy, sad and extremely excited to be married to the love of my life. The wedding isn't until June of next year, but I'm also very into party-planning. I ADORE IT. Planning a party of any kind is seriously one of the most fun ways i could spend my day. Party planning, shopping, painting, and changing my hair.  Now considering the circumstances, I should be saving money, so I shouldn't shop. I also want to grow my hair out for the wedding, so no crazy changes. That leaves party planning and painting and I have to really be in the mood to paint. So, party planning to brighten any sad IS THE ANSWER!!! ding ding ding!! As of late, that is all I've been doing with the help of my engaged roommate and my wonderful mother.

On top of my love for a well-planned party, I also have discovered that I have a rather obsessive personality. Lately, Ive been thinking more and more about how far away my fiance' is and how difficult it will be to physically see him for at least 3 months. I still need to get my passport(which I should be getting very soon), but I also need to be able to save up money for a visit to and from while also saving for the wedding.  Did I mention that I'd need time off from work which means less money. It's all difficult. Thinking about all of that, I am even more aware of how I won't see him for a while. Therefore, I am a bit mopey(off and on) but to prevent the mope, I do something that brightens my mood.

As you notice above, these two topics relate :D

I'm using the lovely wedding to distract myself from missing my man. It feels like the perfect distraction because I can not only accomplish a lot, but it also includes him, and his family, and his opinion. You'd think it'd just make me miss him more but it actually does the opposite which is why it's so perfect. So, I'm basically wedding planning as I wait for Josh to return or I wait to join him. Whichever comes first.

As I mentioned, I am rather obsessive at times. Thankfully I'd like to think that I have really honed it and learned to focus this obsessive nature. Once my heart gets set on something, it's the main thing that I think about.  I do think that in general, I'd obsess a bit about my wedding because it's an exciting time for a girl. It almost feels like human nature. We hear so much about newly engaged girls getting so excited and so obsessed. Whelp, I now have the wedding bug. 

Now, when Josh first got his job, the talk of it being a 3 month gig was in the air. That may or may not still be true.  Hopefully it's longer, but no matter what, I probably won't get to see him til after that 3 month mark because I still need a good amount of time to plan a visit. Therefore, with the normal excited bride-to-be syndrome and my excitedly obsessive nature, this wedding could be all planned by that 3 month mark because I'm a nut. I got this. 

Thanks for listening.
-k/r

you say you want a resolution? well, new year, new plan

So last year i had some new years resolutions set for the first time, possibly ever.
Now to follow up on these and finally rejoin the blogging world.
My resolutions:
-read more
-paint & draw
-apply to shows
-eat better and exercise
-lose weight/get fit
-document every day's attire
-don't shop
-get rid of clothes if i can
-keep hair color

Now i don't know if i really succeeded all that well in following through with these, but i do think i accomplished something. At least, I feel like i accomplished something. Lets go through the list.

Read more.
I think i told myself to read a book a month. Haha i( with my fiance) read 1 whole book. On my own, i've read half of 2. I've read multiple books of the bible but even that has been pretty sporadic. Now, you may think i failed. I do too, sort of. The thing is, i failed in accomplishing my written goal BUT i did not fail in reading. Usually i would read no physical book all year unless it was a couple books of the bible. My bible reading is usually even minimal. So, in the long run, i grew. I'm actually excited to continue reading in through this year. Hopefully next year i can say i've read 2 or 3 :)

Paint & draw.
Man did i succeed! I have painted so much this year and have so much more to paint! I have a website and have my work up in a gallery! My next plan is to search for new gallery shows to apply to, make new business cards, update my website even more and hopefully even start selling work! Maybe look into doing an "in house" gallery show!

Exercise and eat better and lose weight.
 Well i've exercised a little, i've been eating a lot better but its not constant, and i've not lost much weight but i have lost like a few inches. I have gotten close to my goal weight but it fluctuates. This next year i will be a lot more stern about my exercise and eating habits because I HAVE A WEDDING TO GET HOT FOR!! So i will have a smaller goal weight, i will eat cleaner, and work out more regularly.

Wardrobe focus.
I have documented many many outfits throughout the year tho i know i didn't do every day. Still, i'm pretty proud! I have shopped but i've also regularly gotten rid of clothes. Now, soon i will look through everything and take out what i haven't worn and attempt to sell it!!

Hair.
4 months into the new year, i changed it completely, BUUUUT since then it has been about the same AND i haven't cut it!!


Soooooo, there's my 2014. 
Now for 2015! 
praying for an awesome year. new list coming soon!

-k/r