melancholy toe tapping: passig the time without truly letting time pass (***with BONUS section**)

so, here we are, July 28th and still ELEVEN MONTHS AWAY from my wedding. it seems like it's at least a decade away. thankfully it's not, but goodness the waiting is rough. especially when you are in a long distance relationship on top of it. my daily emotional state causes me to be rather robotic. i think to myself,  "must pass time....must do things....must do stuff." so i'm super anal-retentive and listy and don't always feel like i can function appropriately, but i sure as hell try.

like "i have jobs to do. i must do them til june 26th or i'll die".

and then sometimes that robotic productive loon turns into a mopey little ball of sad who well get things done...eventually.

so, yeah, that can be rough.
thankfully i get out of those slumps really quick and get right back into worker-bee mode because i realize something: all i really want to do is pass the time. i want to let time pass until i can "start my life" and i truly, madly, deeply don't want to do anything else. but that is a wish that can/should not be granted, because that is a sad and unhealthy way to live. you should never live your life just waiting for the next best thing, the next weekend, the next holiday, your next vacation, to find the one, etc. instead of waiting for the next "big moment" in your life, you should enjoy every day until that moment arrives. yes, that moment may still be very important, but you shouldn't treat other moments as if they are worth nothing, as if your time was worth nothing.

here's a sports analogy for you (i know, weird, right?):
you're into the second half of a game, you love playing and you're good so you will obviously be chosen to play, but you actively choose to sit on the sidelines and wait for the game to be over because you are just so excited for your team's next game.
YOU DON'T DO THAT.
PEOPLE DON'T DO THAT.
YOU SHOULDN'T DO THAT.
it's silly and pointless and a waist of precious time you could be spending on other things, like actually being a part of the game.

sometimes you may want to live your life like that player.
i've wanted to before and i probably will relapse and want to again, especially while i'm still so far away from my fiance' and just waiting til i FINALLY get to marry him.
it will be difficult but you, i, we all must try to pass our time wisely.
we must try to enjoy that time we have between big endeavors or joy will be much harder to come by.

i feel that the idea of passing time wisely is really the idea of finding peace in the everyday truly using what God has given you.

here's a little idea of how i have peace and attempt patience until my precious nuptials....
(ps: im so proud of the alliteration in that sentence. just sayin)

i have many lists and many ideas and many goals and MUCH WEDDING TO PLAN :D
here's a list...

bucket list for the time being

• make a t-shirt quilt
• apply to more art shows
• grow out my hair
• get in better shape
• make many new pieces of art work
• refine and tweak my wardrobe
• get better at hula hooping
• slowly but surely fix up my parents' house
• make many new articles of clothing
• visit with multiple friends in multiple regions
• get a lot of family time
• learn french
• read more
• work with my mother to make my wedding dress
• save up money for marriage, loans, and life
• get a couple more tattoos

that's just to name a few, and those are some pretty broad bullet points. i just want to say, i am so excited to accomplish every one plus many more as a wait for june to come. it shall be a long tedious journey of sometimes wanting to just curl in a ball and wait, but i will fight. i will enjoy my days til i enjoy them even more with my husband at my side.

i was going to end it here, but i had an idea.

ok, here's a fun little pop culturey nerd tangent. i'm going to compare the rules to surviving zombieland to surviving the time until [insert what you're waiting for here]  and see how they match up. in my case it'd be this,

RULES:how to survive the time until the wedding:

1. cardio (because dresses and wedding night and healthy living and stuff)
2. double tap (heheheheheehehe not yet)
3. beware of bathrooms (because on the wedding day, being the bride, you will hate them)
4. wear seat belts (because it's the law and you don't want to die)
5. no attachments (because too many frills can be a bad thing, especially in those bathrooms)
6. cast iron skillet (because rapunzel)
7. travel light (because you will have to learn for your future of constant migration and tiny apartments for hubby's work and because your cat will want to sit in your luggage)
8. get a kickass partner (this one just makes you bitter about the wait again.....do more cardio and try not to think about it)
9. with your bare hands (do some yard work, because you're a badass who should get some sun)
10. don't swing low (sweet chariot? this is not applicable)
11. use your foot (and try on ALL THE SHOES til you find some to go with that dress)
12. bounty paper towels (because you spill shit a lot and that will never stop)
13. shake it off (because taylor swift said so)
14. always carry a change of underwear (because reasons regarding bowels, apparently)
15. bowling ball (because bowling is a fun pass time)
16. opportunity knocks (this one's vague)
17. don't be a hero (or be one, if the moment required of course)
18. limber up (hehehehe...)
19. break it up (remind people to stop thinking their opions have validity in regards to YOUR wedding, because for the most part, they don't)
20. it's a marathon, not a sprint, unless it's a sprint, then sprint (this sounds like more cardio, but i'm tired now so no)
21. avoid strip clubs (that's a give-in)
22. when in doubt, know your way out (this sounds like a runaway bride scenario, not applicable)
23. ziplock (pack ALL THE LUNCHES, you're saving for a wedding)
24. use your thumbs ( tetris cant win it's self, SON!)
25. shoot first (because if you're playing anything other than tetris, it is all you'll know how to do)
26. a little sunscreen never hurt anybody (HOLY FREAKIN CHRISTMAS CAKE, FACCCCT!!)
27. incoming! (...this truly seems unnecessary)
28. double-knot your shows ( because you do it every day, so why stop now?)
29. the buddy system (again, sadness, therefore, cardio, unless i'm still tired)
30. pack your stain stick (because of the spilling)
31. check the backseat (because you may have left decorations back there and they need to be in specific boxes with the correct labels and images on them)
32. enjoy the little things (now i want a twinky)
33. swiss army knife ( because a nail kit can only be so helpful with everyday use)
34. clean socks (are always in my sock drawer)

well i found that quite beneficial. 

did you?

thanks for dealing with this snarky read.

k/r

melancholy toe-tapping: the art of pretend patience.

alloh.

just so ya knows, this is probably going to become a series of blog posts. a lot of "melancholy toe-tapping" going on over here. be prepared for a mixture of sadness(as i wait to see my fiance again), happiness (as i think of my future with him), and fake patience...because patience is a virtue i don't really possess right now.

 

now that that's been said, yes, it's time to fake some patience!

here's why:

• i'm getting married in june of 2016

• my fiance' is living in canada

• i STILL don't have my passport and have no clue when i could call off work to visit him.

• his job doesn't give much time for a visit anyway

• it's only june of TWO THOUSAND FIFTEEN

i miss him a lot and get to see him from time to time up until the big day, but i'm just so excited and antsy that i just want my life with him to start already. i know, my life with him is currently going on, but you know what i mean. basically, i need to figure out a way to pass the time without really feeling like i'm "passing time". i'm not going to waist a year of my life waiting to be happier. i'm going to live happy with the life that i have right now, i just need to figure out a way to not be discouraged. 

"Wait for the Lord;
    be strong and take heart
    and wait for the Lord."

-Psalm 27:14

so, patience.

patience is a noun. it is the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset. it is a beautiful virtue. virtues are virtues because they take strength and will to have. they take a great amount of effort that we are not always wiling to unleash. we all have things we are waiting for. we have expectations.  patiently waiting for something can be painfully difficult, but patience is truly a positive virtue i think we must all learn to possess.

to be patient, i think, is to be calm. patience gives us a chance to stop and take a breath and enjoy the littlest things going on in our everyday lives. when we enjoy the little things, we are OVERJOYED by the big things, and the bad things aren't nearly as harmful to our spirits. 

 

patience really makes everything better. BUT, as i said before, patience is hard. if need be, you may need to fake it til you truly feel it can be accomplished. so, until i feel like a patient person, i must fake it. i must figure out how to fake it...

here's how(my attempts):

• i am going to start stretching every day, morning and night, just so i can clear my head and prepare myself for each day
• i am going to keep reading. i don't read much, but when i do, it calms me so much. if i read about patience and personal growth, it'll be even better!
• i MUST keep talking to my wonderful fiance' quite regularly, but still try to keep to the system we have so we aren't suffocating each other due to loneliness
• i want to make sure every day has something enjoyable, if not for me, then for someone else, but maybe both if i'm lucky :P
• anytime i feel a rush of impatient feelings invading my heart i want to stop and think of all that i'm thankful for right here and now
• if i'm REALLY STRUGGLING with patience, i'll just do some more intense wedding planning and accept my impatient nature. lol
 

now, i'm not the only one struggling with patience. the feeling is definitely mutual between my fiance' and me, but he had some wonderful words to perfectly go along with these thoughts on faking patience.

          "first off, it's an endeavor that is larger than ourselves, so it's important to have God's help.

           second, is to control your thoughts and behaviors. don't feel patient? ask yourself, if i were 

           patient, what would i do. then fake it like you were. eventually this becomes habit, and the

           fake becomes real."-josh evans

so, there's that. 

some plans to fake some patience. 

here's hoping i can make it real patience soon enough.

thanks for reading. :)

-k/r

Dry patch life

Be ready for some cheesy metaphors and corny uplifting quotes :)

Sometimes we hit a dry patch in life. Everything is dead and dying and there's no new growth. And nothing helps to rejuvenate.

like this random dead spot of grass right here, is your life ^

 

but sometimes it may feel like this ^ (minus the gorgeous sky, btw)

Its like the world has stopped just for a bit and nothing can be done to get it going again, at least not on your own. Terms.
God's terms and God's time don't tend to always match up with ours.

"Wait on the Lord and be of good courage and He will strengthen your heart." - Psalm 27:14

"strength will rise as we wait upon the lord"-Everlasting God

I know not everyone believes what I believe. Just know that no matter what, I'm praying and hoping for your joy.

It can be so difficult to cope with. I couldn't even begin to fathom the struggle for some, but it is so real. The worst part is that this dead feeling could disappear and return or just stay for quite a long time. The fact this is the case for some just seems so cruel. Supposedly God only gives us what we can handle, and if that's the case, some people ate damn strong.

I'm lucky and i know it.
My dry patch in life can be quickly healed with a little love and relaxation. But like i said, i'm quite lucky.

 If i could pass my joy along to another and help rejuvenate and heal a dry time, i would do it every day. If i knew how, i would. In a heartbeat. But i know that sometimes, all we can do is pray, hope, and wait. And that sucks. But i will never stop praying for a quick recovery for anyone's dry time. For new growth, new life, and a reason to smile again.  We all need that.

One last thing.
Just a little love from my favorite coming-of-age movie to get me through some rough times.
Good ole' Elizabethtown.

I'm going to go run, eat some chocolate, and try to wait out my dry patch life.
Hope you can too.

Thanks for listening.

Love, k/r