melancholy toe-tapping: migratory fears

music.
sometimes music really gets to me. mind you, i was pms-ing at the time, but still. the other night, i decided to play an old cd from college while driving home from work. the music is beautiful and melancholy, and really perfect when you need a good cry. once one song came on, i discovered, apparently i needed that good cry.
the entire 25 minute left of my drive was spent bawling my eyes out and listening to the song on repeat.

the song is called "long coat on" by the Cincinnati(i think)-based duo, Ellery.
as i said, it's beautiful. take a listen.

https://vimeo.com/11684112

 

now all of their music is potentially tear-worthy, but this one really hit home as of late.

as i've stated in past posts, i'm getting married and  probably moving to Canada. SUPER EXCITING!!! BUUUUT...

did i mention i've barely ever left ohio...and have only lived in one house(minus college) my whole life? and that i'm an only child with a very large extended family? and that i'm very close to both of my parents?

here are some lyrics do gie you a little idea of where i'm at(it's kind of ridiculous):

"it was a long winter for katie...one day katie'd finally go..."

"...she was waving her hat in her hand when she said goodbye..."

"mama stood there gawking by the doorway, she'd never guess she'd finally go..."

NOW, that's only a small portion of the water-work educing lyrics. the rest had to do with her really wanting to get out of where she was, finally experiencing the world, and leaving everyone behind.

 so yeah, it gets worse.

 every. single. line. of this song affected me. most of it felt like it was speaking to me, saying exactly how i've been feeling only because i want to move on with my life and be married and be with my favorite person every day for the rest of my life. the rest of it just brought all my fears to  my attention at the same time.

 

my fears post wedding: 

1. living in a new place(especially new country with a slight to complete language barrier)
2. not being able to find a job, especially with a language barrier getting in the way, and because of that, be an intense burden on my husband causing him to pull all the weight in the income department
3. being so far away from most friends and loved ones and not being able to make many new friends
4. making people feel like i'm abandoning them
5. feeling alone(i will have josh, which is such an intense blessing, but with his work schedule, it might be more lonely than lovely)
6. missing my parents
7. not being able to contribute and feeling quite worthless
8. feeling stupid for not understanding those around me like at least %60 of the time

so there's that.
lately, josh and i haven been talking about future travels and plans and every time we've talked, i've just gotten sad and scared and couldn't voice exactly why. this song played, and everything came to light. we talked things out through my tears and let me just say, no matter how terrified i am of the future, i couldn't be more excited for it! life is going to be scary. new things will happen and a lot will change, but i need to keep reminding myself that it is an adventure and i should trust in god and try not to be fearful when i have such a wonderful life ahead of me.

 

thanks for reading.

love, k/r

Dry patch life

Be ready for some cheesy metaphors and corny uplifting quotes :)

Sometimes we hit a dry patch in life. Everything is dead and dying and there's no new growth. And nothing helps to rejuvenate.

like this random dead spot of grass right here, is your life ^

 

but sometimes it may feel like this ^ (minus the gorgeous sky, btw)

Its like the world has stopped just for a bit and nothing can be done to get it going again, at least not on your own. Terms.
God's terms and God's time don't tend to always match up with ours.

"Wait on the Lord and be of good courage and He will strengthen your heart." - Psalm 27:14

"strength will rise as we wait upon the lord"-Everlasting God

I know not everyone believes what I believe. Just know that no matter what, I'm praying and hoping for your joy.

It can be so difficult to cope with. I couldn't even begin to fathom the struggle for some, but it is so real. The worst part is that this dead feeling could disappear and return or just stay for quite a long time. The fact this is the case for some just seems so cruel. Supposedly God only gives us what we can handle, and if that's the case, some people ate damn strong.

I'm lucky and i know it.
My dry patch in life can be quickly healed with a little love and relaxation. But like i said, i'm quite lucky.

 If i could pass my joy along to another and help rejuvenate and heal a dry time, i would do it every day. If i knew how, i would. In a heartbeat. But i know that sometimes, all we can do is pray, hope, and wait. And that sucks. But i will never stop praying for a quick recovery for anyone's dry time. For new growth, new life, and a reason to smile again.  We all need that.

One last thing.
Just a little love from my favorite coming-of-age movie to get me through some rough times.
Good ole' Elizabethtown.

I'm going to go run, eat some chocolate, and try to wait out my dry patch life.
Hope you can too.

Thanks for listening.

Love, k/r