sometimes music really gets to me. mind you, i was pms-ing at the time, but still. the other night, i decided to play an old cd from college while driving home from work. the music is beautiful and melancholy, and really perfect when you need a good cry. once one song came on, i discovered, apparently i needed that good cry.
the entire 25 minute left of my drive was spent bawling my eyes out and listening to the song on repeat.
the song is called "long coat on" by the Cincinnati(i think)-based duo, Ellery.
as i said, it's beautiful. take a listen.
https://vimeo.com/11684112
now all of their music is potentially tear-worthy, but this one really hit home as of late.
as i've stated in past posts, i'm getting married and probably moving to Canada. SUPER EXCITING!!! BUUUUT...
did i mention i've barely ever left ohio...and have only lived in one house(minus college) my whole life? and that i'm an only child with a very large extended family? and that i'm very close to both of my parents?
here are some lyrics do gie you a little idea of where i'm at(it's kind of ridiculous):
"it was a long winter for katie...one day katie'd finally go..."
"...she was waving her hat in her hand when she said goodbye..."
"mama stood there gawking by the doorway, she'd never guess she'd finally go..."
NOW, that's only a small portion of the water-work educing lyrics. the rest had to do with her really wanting to get out of where she was, finally experiencing the world, and leaving everyone behind.
so yeah, it gets worse.
every. single. line. of this song affected me. most of it felt like it was speaking to me, saying exactly how i've been feeling only because i want to move on with my life and be married and be with my favorite person every day for the rest of my life. the rest of it just brought all my fears to my attention at the same time.
my fears post wedding:
- living in a new place(especially new country with a slight to complete language barrier)
- not being able to find a job, especially with a language barrier getting in the way, and because of that, be an intense burden on my husband causing him to pull all the weight in the income department
- being so far away from most friends and loved ones and not being able to make many new friends
- making people feel like i'm abandoning them
- feeling alone(i will have josh, which is such an intense blessing, but with his work schedule, it might be more lonely than lovely)
- missing my parents
- not being able to contribute and feeling quite worthless
- feeling stupid for not understanding those around me like at least %60 of the time
lately, josh and i haven been talking about future travels and plans and every time we've talked, i've just gotten sad and scared and couldn't voice exactly why. this song played, and everything came to light. we talked things out through my tears and let me just say, no matter how terrified i am of the future, i couldn't be more excited for it! life is going to be scary. new things will happen and a lot will change, but i need to keep reminding myself that it is an adventure and i should trust in god and try not to be fearful when i have such a wonderful life ahead of me.
thanks for reading.
love, k/r
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