melancholy toe tapping: AEA meetings?

"i am very thankful for the time God gives me to plan and prepare myself," said the girl impatiently waiting for her wedding in June while trying to find the upside of it only being march.

i say this and even though i really just want to be married already, i am honestly so happy with the time i have to grow. i am trying to focus on my personal growth as much as i can before i embark on a new adventure with an amazing man. with that, i would like to tell you about what i would like to call AEA or anxious, engaged anonymous. 
This is something i just thought of, so bare with me. lol.
here's some general information about the group.

• it's not a group. 
• we don't meet. 
• we mainly just sit and stew about all the things that give us anxiety.
• we happen to all be getting married soon
• by we, i mean i

i am a somewhat anxious person, especially if i have many things to dwell on. it seems that as of late, i dwell on almost everything. on top of that, i'm planning a wedding. i am constantly thinking about how i'm going to spend my life with another human being by my side. everything this one human does will affect me, and vice versa. being married is such a crazy amazing responsibility and before pursuing it, i want to make sure i am a mature adult(or as mature as i can be).

now that i have written that lovely disclaimer, i hope you enjoy the next portion...

nice segway. good job.

8 step program for emotional stability before marriage for katie witherell

1. i admit that i can not control time. that is not my job.
2. i accept that i can use this time to better myself for the future and i plan to focus on the physical, mental, and spiritual aspects of my life.
3. i trust in god's plan, though some days i definitely don't like it because a long engagement on top of an already long distance relationship is very very difficult.
4. i have made a mental list of all the things/people that cause me to feel any anxiety or animosity, and have considered how to end those feelings and find peace.
5. i am slowly finding that peace by asking forgiveness and letting go of unnecessary grudges,
6. i truly believe that i am ready to pursue a better more mature life and am so overjoyed to continue maturing with a wonderful husband in just a few short months.
7. i am constantly asking for strength and serenity.
8. i will never stop trying to cut out the toxicity in my life and prevent any anxiety i can.

so, there you have it. the very spiritually centered steps to a better more prepared and calm katie.

i feel like they are kind of cryptic, but they definitely get the job done. i feel like i am already pursuing all of these steps at one time. but i tend to enjoy multi-tasking. lol

ps: i hope no-one takes offense that used the idea of a 12 step program as my template. i find it quite beneficial to personal and spiritual growth. 

thanks for reading.

<3 k/r

melancholy toe tapping: guest list anxiety.

 In about 1 month, my fiance' and i will be starting the official wedding planning process!! let the worry begin!

It's definitely exciting because we will get to to make our website, and design our invitations and programs, but it's more than nerve wracking as we are also starting to really narrow down our guest list. let me make this more clear: OUR GUEST LIST! I'm freaking out because it's stupidly a big deal. My first thought when i think of wedding guests is "friends and loved ones. people who we'd wana celebrate with." that's true, but it's so much more than that.

This is really what your potential guest list looks like:

• your best friends
• your old friends you still kind of keep in touch with but not really
• immediate family
• extended family that you think you're decently close to because your family is 3,000,000 people+
• most definitely the "elders" of the families
• your parents best friends
• your boss
• your coworkers
• that guy who makes your coffee every tuesday
• people whose weddings you were in because you fear rules
• EVERYONE YOU'VE EVER SMILED AT(and for me, that's a lot)
• don't forget the PLUS ONES

Now this is a bit of a stretch from the truth, but seriously not by much. guest lists are hard if you care about feelings even a little. some of these guests are totally important, and some really need to accept that you are just not that close...or that there are people closer that fit better into the 200ish seats. it's so hard to determine importance when it comes to your big day, because you want to invite everyone, but sadly, that's just not going to happen. believe me, i try, and when i try, i get a tiny little Regina George yelling in my ear and i get sad.

It's definitely emotionally draining to even think about the guest list, let alone, make one. a tentative one already exists, it's the REAL one that terrifies me, but it's a fear that i am definitely going to have to conquer if i want to be happy and calm during the rest of the wedding preparation. i must relax so we can narrow it down.

Alright. since i know i will have to attempt yoga a good 10 or more times til the wedding so i don't have weekly freak-outs, let's accept it and move on to what people consider the second scariest thing about a wedding guest list...

No, i'm not talking about the super boy-band-looking christian group (i honestly didn't know they were a thing until i looked it up. yay google.)

Plus-ones can be super tricky. Some weddings don't have them to save space, which sounds nice for the bride and groom, but not so nice for the guests who have to go alone when they already aren't much for "people-ing" as it is. conversating(yes i said conversating) and interacting with others at a big function can be super scary and draining for some people, especially without that one person you dragged along with you to cling to.
So, I'm all for plus-ones. sometimes. some people honestly may not get them. some people may get them and then i will immediately regret letting it happen because maybe i won't like the person they invite. maybe i didn't invite THAT person for a reason...

annnnnd, maybe i'm reaching and over thinking it all.

honestly, as the bride, plus-ones can be exciting. i love meeting new people who's names aren't ones i should have already remembered because they are family and the last time i saw them i was 5. these people are new. new can be nice.
and then there's the the plus-ones who you actually know and you realize they are actually brought as your cousin or friend's date and you get all giddy and excited for potential love like an annoying cupid. yes, i'm that type of person.

Now that all that has been said, i'm going to leave this here.

Thanks for reading :)
-k/r