where is my mind?

i've been awol. i don't exactly have a monumental amount of readers, but either way, i feel bad. i think i should update something and someone on how i'm doing because when things are rough and i don't disclose it somewhere, i'll probably implode. i do talk to people, but i still feel the need to bottle it up to an extent.

facebook asks "how are you doing today, katie?" well, facebook, if you must know, things are fabulous except for the fact that i cause my own hear ache and i never learn and because of that i wonder if i'm ever going to be happy with someone and if i'm even supposed to have someone in my life. right now, i feel deserving. such bullshit. i have no right. no one has a right. i don't think i will have that in my life. i don't want to lose hope, but i don't know how else to feel. right now, my name is hopeless. maybe this hopelessness won't last and maybe it's exactly what i need to get my mind off of what i worry could be an obsession. my romantic future should not be important to how i plan out every day. i should just live.
that is just so damn difficult.

sometimes we just need reminders of hope. cheesy as hell but yeah. and when i say "we" i mean i am selfishly putting up a list of hopeful little notes :)
-k