melancholy toe-tapping: a new year for a white wedding!

Sooooooooo, i'm pretty stoked. 

It is officially less than six months before my wedding!

 

Can you tell I'm excited??!?!

Christmas came and went. It was stressful, but glorious, and taking my fiance' back to the airport was much less depressing than normal. This time around, we said our farewell without tear and with lots of giddy smiles because we new the next time he'd be leaving on a plane, I'd be with him. It's such a joy and a treasure to have him in my life and to be able to spend these next few months excitedly getting all the details together for the rest of my life with the best human! 

Now that it's the new year and the wedding is up and coming, I've been thinking of those good ole' resolutions and questioning if I've changed and how I've grown in the last year. The answer to that is, YES, I've changed and grown so much in the last year and have learned a lot more about myself that I'd like to share.
So.
I don't have resolutions, per-say. Mainly, this year is going to be about marriage, communication, connectivity, and self-awareness. That sounds like a lot of things, but it's a lot of things that i think a newlywed who's moving away from all of her friends and family should be focusing on hardcore.

 

 Being self-aware is something that I'm focusing on the most right now, as I feel like it effects everything else.

 (I know i talk about understanding who I am at least yearly on here, but it's a never-ending thing, so expect more, in time.)
I've discovered something about myself.
Since I got to that point in life where I really focused on what people thought of me (I don't think we should care what others think too much, but it happens and it's hard not to), I've compared myself to a lot of people and molded to better-fit the people I was around. I even competed the minute I felt competed with. I never really noticed til after. I wasn't self-aware enough to see how I was acting or what I was doing. It was something that I'd do and then a few weeks or months later I'd think about it and realize how I had acted in the past. It wasn't til lately that I noticed I've never truly been myself 100% of the time because I was trying to be like someone else or compete with someone else. It has come to my attention SO HARD in these last two years because I am loved by someone who loves the real me, and not some pretend person I have been at times. It is such a blessing because I've never felt more like myself. Josh really helps me notice that person that I want to be constantly and not just sometimes or around certain people.

No matter what, if you are adaptable, the people you are around most often do tend to rub off on you at least a little. I know with every passing day I become more and more like my future husband and many others, but especially with marriage and moving, I must really learn to remember who I am despite everything else, and surround myself with beautiful people who only make me stronger.

 

I guess I do have a specific new years resolution after all.

I want to make sure I'm always my whole self especially during this time of drastic change and growth and hopeful maturing with the man of my dreams.

 

It shall be a year of great change.
A year of truly understanding myself as I'm finally truly on my own.
There's no one for me to compare myself to.
No one to feel guilty for not being like.
Just me, and my husband, of course.
2016 shall be insanely glorious and terrifying.
I can't wait for the adventure that's in store!

thanks, k/r

melancholy toe tapping: the holiday season... halle-freakin-lujah!

hi there.
it has been about 3 months since i've seen my future husband. it will be about 3 months+ when i see him next.  thankfully, at this point, it's only 19 days and counting till that 3 month+ mark is up. until that glorious day arrives i have to keep myself happily occupied. i don't know if this is your life, but for me, being "occupied" up until Christmas is kind of intensely an understatement. every waking moment every day is devoted to thee holiday season.

allow me to explain what being "occupied" this time of year means to me, in list form of course.
because you see...

to-do before Christmas:

• paint
• sew presents
• re-create etsy account
• organize art supplies
• make new clothes for self
• practice some wedding makeup ideas
• work out
• plan new pescatarian dishes
• buy presents
• wrap presents

so, yeah, it may not seem like much, and may even seem slightly dumb, but goodnesssssssss is this going to take up all my time and then some. this time of year, i don't feel like much sleep happens. i'm just a busy little elf. that's me.
my life...

so yeah, there's that.
that's my life till i get to see my man, and probably a bit after.
happy holidays and merry christmas!
-k/r 
 

 

 

melancholy toe tapping: guest list anxiety.

 In about 1 month, my fiance' and i will be starting the official wedding planning process!! let the worry begin!

It's definitely exciting because we will get to to make our website, and design our invitations and programs, but it's more than nerve wracking as we are also starting to really narrow down our guest list. let me make this more clear: OUR GUEST LIST! I'm freaking out because it's stupidly a big deal. My first thought when i think of wedding guests is "friends and loved ones. people who we'd wana celebrate with." that's true, but it's so much more than that.

This is really what your potential guest list looks like:

• your best friends
• your old friends you still kind of keep in touch with but not really
• immediate family
• extended family that you think you're decently close to because your family is 3,000,000 people+
• most definitely the "elders" of the families
• your parents best friends
• your boss
• your coworkers
• that guy who makes your coffee every tuesday
• people whose weddings you were in because you fear rules
• EVERYONE YOU'VE EVER SMILED AT(and for me, that's a lot)
• don't forget the PLUS ONES

Now this is a bit of a stretch from the truth, but seriously not by much. guest lists are hard if you care about feelings even a little. some of these guests are totally important, and some really need to accept that you are just not that close...or that there are people closer that fit better into the 200ish seats. it's so hard to determine importance when it comes to your big day, because you want to invite everyone, but sadly, that's just not going to happen. believe me, i try, and when i try, i get a tiny little Regina George yelling in my ear and i get sad.

It's definitely emotionally draining to even think about the guest list, let alone, make one. a tentative one already exists, it's the REAL one that terrifies me, but it's a fear that i am definitely going to have to conquer if i want to be happy and calm during the rest of the wedding preparation. i must relax so we can narrow it down.

Alright. since i know i will have to attempt yoga a good 10 or more times til the wedding so i don't have weekly freak-outs, let's accept it and move on to what people consider the second scariest thing about a wedding guest list...

No, i'm not talking about the super boy-band-looking christian group (i honestly didn't know they were a thing until i looked it up. yay google.)

Plus-ones can be super tricky. Some weddings don't have them to save space, which sounds nice for the bride and groom, but not so nice for the guests who have to go alone when they already aren't much for "people-ing" as it is. conversating(yes i said conversating) and interacting with others at a big function can be super scary and draining for some people, especially without that one person you dragged along with you to cling to.
So, I'm all for plus-ones. sometimes. some people honestly may not get them. some people may get them and then i will immediately regret letting it happen because maybe i won't like the person they invite. maybe i didn't invite THAT person for a reason...

annnnnd, maybe i'm reaching and over thinking it all.

honestly, as the bride, plus-ones can be exciting. i love meeting new people who's names aren't ones i should have already remembered because they are family and the last time i saw them i was 5. these people are new. new can be nice.
and then there's the the plus-ones who you actually know and you realize they are actually brought as your cousin or friend's date and you get all giddy and excited for potential love like an annoying cupid. yes, i'm that type of person.

Now that all that has been said, i'm going to leave this here.

Thanks for reading :)
-k/r

katie logic: weddings, adulthood, friendships, oh my.

I'v been a bit scatterbrained as of late. I have a lot of thoughts, but they're not exactly organized. at least, not really. thank God for bullet points. bullet points are my friend.

OK, so Weddings:

• there's been a bit of a pause on the wedding planning. right now i'm getting more of the big things taken care of(ie: venues, officiant, colors, etc) because there's only so much i can do so early on, and for the most part, i did a lot of that a couple months ago. 
• we are in the middle of prom season, so glitzy long dresses are in stores and on sale!!! Soooo, bridesmaids dresses are slowly being acquired and its glorious, but that means more opinions and more decisions which will lead to even more opinions and decisions. So that's exciting and nerve-wracking. 
• the venues are officially booked(for the most part) which is also super exciting and nerve-wracking. i feel so blessed and can't wait to marry the best man in the world, but it's scary. thankfully i think the happy trumps the scary. LIKE WOAH!
• ITS HAPPENING!!! IT"S SO SURREAL!!! I GET TO MARRY THE BEST GUY EVER!!! 14 MONTHS FROM SUNDAY!!!! WUUTTTTTTT UPPPPP!

with those wedding notes come the true reason for this post. relationships.

      it is so crazy how much relationships change when you get married or plan on getting married. i'm starting to really see that now and i have a feeling i'm going to see more. i've heard things like "you can never have a male friend again because you're getting married" and "friendships don't need to change because you're married" and "you lose a lot of friends once you're married" and those statements and anything like those statements are both somewhat legit and a bunch of hooey.

• theses statements have a bit of validity but it really depends on the situation.

in regards to  "you can never have a male friend again because you're getting married":

• mainly, if you are a woman and you have male friends, and you get married AND if you are a man and you have female friends and you get married, things WILL change a bit. No matter what, if you respect and honor your spouse, if you plan on spending anytime with someone of the opposite sex it will be something discussed and understood and agreed upon by you and your spouse, period. And that's how i feel about that. 

•  i believe that those friendships only really change because you are constantly considering your spouse, but other than that, it shouldn't change too much. 

• i have many close male friends. one of them is in my bridal party, so there's that.

in regards to "friendships don't need to change because you're married" and "you lose a lot of friends when you're married":

•   i've noticed a lot of dynamics change in the last 4 months. certain relationships are becoming less important while others are resurfacing. it's so crazy. 

•  once married or even working towards marriage, your free time for others will lessen, therefore you will have to choose exactly who gets your free time other than your spouse, and that can be difficult and a CHANGE. 

• now that i'm engaged and planning my future and my "adult life" i'm discovering who find me important and who i truly find important. i'm finally understanding why some friends, after marriage trickle off, and some actually become closer. this realization will really become even more clear when the time comes to pick the guest list. stay tuned.

• i don't want to "lose a lot of friends" but i would like to really see who is important to me and balanace my time accordingly.

• my sposue will be getting the majority of my attention and friends who don't get that may actually not understand me or my spouse and may not even really understand love. that'll either be something to work on or something to let go of. in a good healthy relationship, spouse comes first.

in this next year

•  i want to strengthen the relationships i hope to continue far into my married life

•  i want to distance myself a bit from those who only seemed like convenience friends

•  i want to become even more of someone i find worthy of being friends with

end thoughts

• you really notice who your real friends are when you step closer into adulthood(in this case, marriage).

• you're more aware of your time and where it's going.

• so much of your time will be going towards your spouse(out of pure choice) and therefore you must decide who else wil take up some of your time as well even if it's just random phone calls and letters.

these may all be blanket statements and rather generic things that others would read and be like "no shit" but hey, i'm new to this so i'm noticing a lot.

that's all.

k/r

engaged, lonely, and obsessive.

Ok, so here's my life right now:

- I got Engaged over Christmas Eve!!!! WOOOT!

- My fiance' got a new awesome job in Montreal that just started.

- I'm in Bowling Green working, saving, living life as normal, but with a wedding to plan.

(also, one of my roommates is also engaged, and that should factor in)

So, if you couldn't tell, I'm happy, sad and extremely excited to be married to the love of my life. The wedding isn't until June of next year, but I'm also very into party-planning. I ADORE IT. Planning a party of any kind is seriously one of the most fun ways i could spend my day. Party planning, shopping, painting, and changing my hair.  Now considering the circumstances, I should be saving money, so I shouldn't shop. I also want to grow my hair out for the wedding, so no crazy changes. That leaves party planning and painting and I have to really be in the mood to paint. So, party planning to brighten any sad IS THE ANSWER!!! ding ding ding!! As of late, that is all I've been doing with the help of my engaged roommate and my wonderful mother.

On top of my love for a well-planned party, I also have discovered that I have a rather obsessive personality. Lately, Ive been thinking more and more about how far away my fiance' is and how difficult it will be to physically see him for at least 3 months. I still need to get my passport(which I should be getting very soon), but I also need to be able to save up money for a visit to and from while also saving for the wedding.  Did I mention that I'd need time off from work which means less money. It's all difficult. Thinking about all of that, I am even more aware of how I won't see him for a while. Therefore, I am a bit mopey(off and on) but to prevent the mope, I do something that brightens my mood.

As you notice above, these two topics relate :D

I'm using the lovely wedding to distract myself from missing my man. It feels like the perfect distraction because I can not only accomplish a lot, but it also includes him, and his family, and his opinion. You'd think it'd just make me miss him more but it actually does the opposite which is why it's so perfect. So, I'm basically wedding planning as I wait for Josh to return or I wait to join him. Whichever comes first.

As I mentioned, I am rather obsessive at times. Thankfully I'd like to think that I have really honed it and learned to focus this obsessive nature. Once my heart gets set on something, it's the main thing that I think about.  I do think that in general, I'd obsess a bit about my wedding because it's an exciting time for a girl. It almost feels like human nature. We hear so much about newly engaged girls getting so excited and so obsessed. Whelp, I now have the wedding bug. 

Now, when Josh first got his job, the talk of it being a 3 month gig was in the air. That may or may not still be true.  Hopefully it's longer, but no matter what, I probably won't get to see him til after that 3 month mark because I still need a good amount of time to plan a visit. Therefore, with the normal excited bride-to-be syndrome and my excitedly obsessive nature, this wedding could be all planned by that 3 month mark because I'm a nut. I got this. 

Thanks for listening.
-k/r